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  • Shalini Devi

Roundabout

Updated: May 7

Cabaret nights…you played the sax while I would dance


Nights on the piano, as I would sing along…we’d make our own melody of this thing we called life.


You singing, as I would move, the only tune I could dance to…the song of my heart being sung by you.


We played, sang, laughed, and danced, around and around, on this roundabout of life…

Tragic lovers we were…separated by all the conceivable faults in our stars… You name it, we’ve done it…

Lifetimes upon lifetimes of living and dying for one another…only to go again on this crazy roundabout we’ve been on for as long as I can remember.

Yet here we still are…

Going round again anyway.


You’d think we’d have had enough by now…but you see our hearts sing the same song, one that turns with the universal song, the only one that truly matters…the song of Love.

My greatest teacher you’ve been…taught me all I know, whether to sing…to dance…to pray… to heal… to laugh… to cry…


Sometimes you’d go for lifetimes without uttering a single word, yet my guru you truly were – teaching me still as you wanted me to learn – to learn from your silence. Your stillness.


Teaching me you still are…


Testing me, as I still try to piece together the lines of your unending silence.

I thought the worst pain I’d ever had to bear was losing you – grasped from me out of the skies – my world left empty and dry without that laugh, without that smile. Yet it would seem there is something even far worse….

To have all those things right in front of me….to find you after searching for so very long, only to lose you again, as you show me a face that has no recollection of our eternity on this roundabout together.


Sometimes I think it would be easier to pretend it isn’t really you – but I’d know you anywhere. As would you me. How could we not, when our hearts beat as one? Like walkie talkies, our souls communicating with one another, as we clumsily follow along, and pretend to look the other way.


Why you choose not to remember, I do not know. Maybe it’s less painful that way, to forget about our dance on this roundabout of life.


Yet here I remain, with all these memories.


Of living, fighting, and dying for you – and only you – yet here you are right in front of me – made into a stranger. Looking at me with those eyes I can’t forget, yet with a face that says, I don’t remember.


I don’t know which is worse, to have lost you, or to have found you again – only that you would not recall – that it is you and I, who danced the dance of the stars with passion, love, mystery and a romance of the ages…


You and I, living legends of love.


And here we are now, pretending to be strangers.

Maybe you got tired of the roundabout…So have I too.


What would I choose?


To close my eyes and pretend you aren’t riding this roundabout with me still, and lose you for good…Or to have you right in front of me – your smile, your laughs, those twinkling eyes, where I can still look at you, and think to myself, we loved each other once on this roundabout of existence.


Maybe let’s go around once more, so you can teach me what it’s like to feel love and loss, all at the same time.


With my love always,


SDS




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