My journal entry from Dec 3rd, 2014, my first year of experiencing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I did not yet know I had, from the onset of the Epstein Barr Virus in April, 2014 to the deterioration of my health throughout the year...Feeling lost and confused in the events that were transpiring, with such great unknowns being presented in my life. Grateful for the walks I took throughout the seasons, whenever I felt able to. However long or short, it didn't matter - I was walking. And it was everything to me. Walk with me, and I will share with you what I learned...
December 3rd, 2014
This year was very special because I was able to feel and experience all four seasons come and go. I remember the drive home from the hospital in May with the sunshine and birds chirping, the wet, fresh feeling of Spring in the air. I remember the coming of summer on my walks through the neighbourhood with the lush green grass, the gardens in bloom and the beautiful heat of the sun mixed with breeze and blue skies. I would spend every chance I could outside, soaking up the sun on Nanee’s deck, or walking further and further each day, or reading and writing in Percy park, Kelsey's field and Rosetta gardens. The world was beautiful and alive in summer.
And then the chilly, crisp winds of fall came in, and once again, the world refreshed in its new beautiful splendour. The same paths I walked through the neighbourhood now had beautiful leaves – burned orange, red, golden yellow, leaves on the trees outside my home too, and the magical forest nearby with the falling leaves. Fall made me feel I was in the world of the Lord of the Rings. I would go for drives with Mom to see the leaves and put down the window, just sucking in the fresh, crisp fall air.
And then the frosty winds from the North came in, and winter's touch rid the trees of their leaves. And I walked through the streets and snow covered the trees, the streets and the same little homes that I used to walk by with blooming gardens in summer. Now, their twinkling lights inside, and the dark night with its blanket of snow made me feel I was walking through a Winter Wonderland.
The seasons have come, and they have gone in their magical splendour - and I keep walking. I keep walking and witnessing their presence, and I get to see all the beauty and change they offer. And in the snow yesterday, I could look back at my trail of footsteps, and they made me feel comforted that although I keep walking on this journey with all its unknowns, my footsteps are there concretely - everything that had led up to this point. And I know my playful footsteps are etched in the world through spring, summer, fall and winter, and they ground me, and I know regardless of where they may lead me, each and every one is made with purpose, and strength, and courage - and if I ever forget, all I need to do is look back, and they're right there to catch me. My trail of breadcrumbs, so I can never truly be lost.
Everything that happened was for the best.
Everything that is happening is for the best.
Everything that will happen, that too, will be for the best.
Not all who wander are lost.
With my love always,