The Wall

I am not afraid…

You could say

To write, or share, this tale

If my pen would allow

With the date and all.

This tale of me and

Om Shanti.

He was to Me, My son Yes,

But so much more in all the roles he’s played for Me.  To find the space for this tale.

I go to Not.

Beyond the veil

Where I am not that,

I just am.  Shanti

I prayed for him to come for a long time and eventually he did.  Taking one form or another.

I served with Him… on the wall you could say.  The one who found Me… washed up on its shores a dark river I had crossed and many souls upon its bank…

A man with a black cloak and golden eyes… an overlay on the face of gold I could see… reached for my hand.  Such kind eyes, such love.

But this… is about the one behind.

He took me away from those shores laying down unable to get up with piles of souls…just lying there having made it to that shore.

He took my hand and he lifted me up… took me away from that place…

A hut… a place he cared for me in… away from the shore.. from the wall.  Only darkness in this place it was always night it seemed…

But he cared for me… loved me.. fed me… clothed me...held my hand walked with me.. nurtured me…

He loved Me…

It is all I can say…

And I became… Me.

He would try to interrupt, but I will continue for Me.

Pregnant I became… in our hut…by the river…

One day on the wall,

I saw the battle…below… the demons I saw them with my own eyes, scimitars in their hands throwing them and fighting in two courtyards… of stone… metal armour… close to white a battle going on.  I stood on this wall, the divide between them, realizing I couldn’t go back.

Where is he… I will not leave without him…

Days after he told me those words I never thought I’d hear Him say

I can’t

do it anymore.

And only then,

did I say

Ok.

Then, I listened.  Because… I loved Him.

He said it was – our decision.

I didn’t understand then from that place.  But it was – Our decision.

Standing on the wall I couldn’t find him, only feel his presence.

He was gone.

I was unprotected.

I couldn’t leave him.

But that same feeling although I could sense his presence everywhere he wasn’t there to protect me, I was in danger.

He…had gone…

I didn’t want to go…

But He was gone, his presence only to show and the battle in front of Me.

I’d never leave Him.

But he said – in his own way

Go.

I knew, in all my being

I cannot die…

I have to have this child

And I ran across that wall on a thin parapet

Scimitars flying but knew somehow I had to keep going as miraculously nothing touched me…

And I ran… to the day…

Where I found Him, a photo held in front of him as I tried to see behind… who was behind it the photo moving like a mask in front of Him.

You can trust Him.

He is a friend.

You cannot have this child on the front line.

He kept telling me,

I was for the Sun

I had to go to the day.

The night was over now.

How we had fought.

We loved and we fought together

Him and I

Until that day he left me

With those words and the ring

And a promise

My Shiva… would come.

So I stayed there with Him who I found.

This was – also him.  The other side you could say

But still him.

He said,

He was different.

Like me.

He was Me… I just didn’t know it then.

Aware of what was happening, witnessing it all.

He has watched Me.

He has loved and cared for me despite it all

But to connect those dots.

He loved me without end.

And his end,

Ended Me.

He gave me to Him

And he spit me back out.

So he held it.

He keeps holding it.

When will he realize

I only ever wanted

Him.

One and the same as Not

We hold it.

But beneath it all

He is Om Shanti.

How we remind Him.

And He

Loved

Me.

-       SDS